Holy Crap
by HidingInACorner
Summary: Hermione Granger has an obsession with a certain muggle rock band- and discovers a life changing secret. Includes Bon Jovi! Rated for a smattering of language. AU


**Holy Shit**: A Hermione Granger/Bon Jovi fic

**Author's note:** I've had this idea in my head FOREVER and I finally decided to let it out. So enjoy and responses are always appreciated.

**Disclaimer**: I own absolutely nothing and no disrespect in intended to either Bon Jovi or JK Rowling.

Hermione Granger is a huge Bon Jovi fan. And huge is probably an understatement. However, Harry and Ron have absolutely no idea- none of her friends do. She's hidden her secret well for the last few years- especially the one that would open her up to ridicule for the rest of her witchy existence: Hermione is completely in love with the front man, Jon Bon Jovi solely based on his singing voice and interviews he conducted in magazines and newspapers. Irrational, yes, but nobody ever said that love was rational. The fact that he's the same age as her father (and many of her Professors) hasn't deterred her in the slightest.

She recently discovered that the band is going to play in England soon, and is having an immensely difficult time trying to contain her joy. As a result, her school work is severely suffering, well, according to her standards at least. Hermione has spent almost all of her available time trying to boost her scores, which cuts into the time she takes and spends (with Harry and Ron) with the illusive Professor Remus Lupin and Sirius Black. Both had been disappearing for long periods of time for the past few months and no one is able to determine why. Most (including Hermione) just assume it has to do with the war effort, and both men have the body art to prove it.

As the homework continues to pile up, Hermione (in a very un-Hermione like move) decides to put it off until the concert, which, is rapidly approaching. Instead, she begins to formulate an escape Hogwarts plan. And after hours and hours of thinking of every possible escape route and method, she comes up with the perfect way to leave. A plan involving chewing gum, a goldfish and some _very_ creative memory charms. Pizzazz is always a good thing.

The day of the concert is a restless one for Hermione. She had been waiting for this day to come for months- she had never seen Bon Jovi live before and hasn't seen any photos due to the fact that Hogwarts has no electricity. Hermione is jittery all day and Harry can't determine why. _Probably just some girl thing. _Hermione would kick his ass if he ever spoke that thought aloud. But she was much too excited to pick a fight on Bon Jovi day. Nothing could crush her soul today.

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The lights had dimmed and garbled music was already blaring from oversized speakers and Hermione couldn't be happier. Her escape plan had gone off without a hitch, and for that she was immensely proud of herself. She didn't have the greatest seat in the packed stadium, but had a nice view of the large screens overhead. She heard, rather than saw the band's entrance, and she was already entranced.

_Come see a living, breathing spectacle_

_Only seen right here _

_It's your last chance in this lifetime _

_The line forms at the rear_

_You won't believe your eyes _

_Your eyes will not believe your ears_

_Get your money out, get ready _

_Step right up, yeah you, come here_

Her first glimpse of the band was a muscular man banging on the drums, a curly haired clown-like man playing the keyword, a middle aged Hispanic man tweaking his guitar and an oddly familiar shape crooning into the microphone. Backstage, you could see a handsome man with thick black hair dancing like a fool in leather pants.

Suddenly, Hermione realized why the singer, the lust of her life looked so familiar.

And with a un-lady like, "holy shit" she fully understood. Remus Lupin, after that fateful Halloween night, created his alternate persona: Jon Bon Jovi and decided to escape into music. It was completely insane, yes, but she understood nonetheless. It made perfect sense to her. And with a smile and a nod, she continued to enjoy her first, and probably last, Bon Jovi concert. Remus didn't need to know that she had learned his secret.

_You ain't seen nothing like him_

_He´s the last one of the breed_

_You better hold on to your honey_

_Honeys, don't forget to breathe_

_Enter at your own risk, mister_

_It might change the way you think_

_There's no dancers, there's no diamonds_

_No this boy he don't lip-synch_

_Here's the last man standing_

_Step right up, he's the real thing_

_The last chance of a lifetime_

_Come and see, hear, feel ... the real thing_

Last Man Standing by Bon Jovi


End file.
